Spread the Word: Gossip!: October 2013

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Blogpost 8: The Positive Side of Gossip!

Gossip is such an enormous thing. It is a prevalent thing that even the famous people are engaged. On my previous blogposts, I discussed the reasons why people love gossiping and how it affects other people. Gossip has been an act of bullying because it is an indirect way of bullying. It is like meanness pollution because everyone is affected. Gossip may even destroy relationship between two lovers and a family relationship. The gossip in a family relationship is called “destructive gossip” because it is always wrong and has no justification for it. You noticed that gossip is always bad and sometimes you didn't see the good side of it. I wanted to elicit some good effects of gossip because almost everybody doesn't seem to believe that there’s nothing good or beneficial with gossip.

If I’m going to ask you to give some good effects of gossip, could you give some right away? I bet you can’t. Just kidding! Others can be able to enumerate good effects, but I think some persons will find it difficult because for them, gossip is always bad. Little by little, I scanned some articles in the internet and luckily, I have found one. This article is entitled “Gossip Part 2: The Bad, the Good, and the Ugly” by NicholasDiFonzo at the website of psychologytoday. Obviously, we now know the bad and ugly effects of gossip, this is the best time to let you know it's good effects.

It is always the negative side of gossip is conspicuous. I read the part of an article which tackles about the good side when you gossip. According to the article, gossip is useful in terms of social function against the bad behavior of particular individuals. In this case, gossip seems to be a moral duty.

“Dovetailing gossip's function as a warning is that gossip serves also as moral instruction and motivation to the hearer.” - Robin Dunbar

In fact, gossip is one of the regulator of a person's behavior. For example, knowing about the attitude of Mark that he knows everything even the simplest detail and hearing different gossip about it make us to refrain from giving sarcastic comments and to become humble and show a good attitude towards others. The good thing about gossip is it helps us to act appropriately in social setting.

On the other hand, we don't want others to gossip and talk about us and to avoid these things to happen, we change the subject in order not to only hear the unacceptable facts and unrighteous deed we have done. Although gossip is for the worst motives to hurt others, in fact, it educates us and inform us with our unacceptable behavior to avoid doing it again.

At first, I thought gossip is always bad both the gossiper and the person being talked about. My perception with the word gossip somehow change when I read this article. It has the point that others gossip because they only want someone to talk with. Furthermore, gossip is not that nefarious as we think. It is simply gathering some information which are important and it also signifies friendship with others.

Typically, you are with your friends discussing about the person's personal life or even with favored acquaintance. In this kind of situation, you didn't talk with someone you didn't like, you cannot confide and you do not feel safe to talk with. For the same reason, gossip is something about the relationship you build with your friends and acquaintances. It is all about the closeness, affiliation and kinship.

Engaging in gossip and warning the person is not that bad. Your intention only is for them to be better so that some other time others will not talk something bad about him/her. After all, gossip can be bad but we tend to think or let's say overlook that's why we weren't able to see its good side as well. Gossips are made just for the concern for others and do manifest positive effects. Always keep in mind that being able to spread untruthful gossip about other whereas communicating the information to help others to be better is really different. Just be yourself, there's no need to fake it. Be who you are so that others won't say anything against you.

Blogpost 7: Grapevine!

As you read the title of my blogpost 7, what do you think is the meaning of grapevine? What’s the first thing comes in your mind? Let me guess, you thought that it is a plant whose stem requires support. As a matter of fact, it’s not a stem, a plant or even a fruit but a type of gossip that exists in the corporate setting. I got curious regarding with this word. I encountered the word ‘grapevine’ when I had my 1^st term as a freshman with our Management Principles class. Our professor in the aforementioned class is the Tourism Management Head, Ms. Maria Carmela Ibañez. I learned a lot of things from her concerning the things we ought to do once we’re in the corporate world, the do’s and don’ts of different matters in corporate world. I am looking forward to apply all the knowledge I’ve acquired in order to act in a nice way to everyone.

As far as I remember, grapevine is the informal communication system. I knew different things with our class how to cope with the grapevine and how to avoid it. Luckily, I have read an article in our book all about grapevine. We discussed the things we need to know about grapevine. The book is called 'Management Principles" with the author from California, Mr. Robert Kreitner. According to an article in the book, there are two internal communication systems in each and every organization namely: formal and informal communication. These communication systems can help or reinforce each other. Nevertheless, it causes conflict in the organization. As a matter of fact, the distinction of one another can be difficult.

With the use of the definition, formal communication flows with structural boundaries and established lines of authority. But intertwined with the formal communication system is what we call “grapevine”. Grapevine is characterized as the unofficial and informal communication system. Back then the Civil war days, the term “grapevine” formed. It is likely a vine-like telegraph wires which were hang from tree to tree across the battlefields.

“Good news travels fast, bad news travels faster and embarrassing news travels at warp speed.” -Inc. Magazine

This saying is made by the observations of Inc. Magazine. According to one survey, an employee spends an average of 65 hours a year gossiping only at the office. Did you know that even grapevine is prevalent in the internet with the use of emails and blogs? Yes it is true and it is called the “e-grapevine”.

I am very much interested with this topic when Ms. Carms discussed it to us. I am not only the one who is informed but also my blockmates and they do have the idea what it is all about and its effect. I have learned in the article I've read in book are the managerial attitudes toward grapevine. Someday we will be a manager and we ought to know how to cope with the grapevine once you've heard about it. The predominantly negative feelings among managers toward the grapevine are prevalent because grapevine happened to be more influential. In spite of the negative attitudes, I must say that grapevine has also a positive side just like a person who has its positive and negative attitudes. Furthermore, grapevine helps the employees to feel a sense of belonging. Other than that, it can carry useful information and help the management learn how employees feel about with regards the policies and programs of the organization. Some information stated in the article could be a big help to the employees, managers and even us because we will face the situation where we can experience the grapevine matters.

I remembered this approach because it is a big help to managers nowadays how to cope with the informal communication system in the organization. “Management by walking around”, an excellent way to monitor and correct the grapevine in a nonthreatening manner. We can feed information through it. This approach has been used widely in every organization. When I become a manger, I will not hesitate to try this approach in order to have a nice environment in the office.

Moreover, I happened to read an article in the internet and it is entitled “The Importance of the Grapevine in Internal Business Communications” by Kristie Lorette. I found this article in the small business website. From the title itself, it tells us how important grapevine is in the every organization whether a large or a small one. Within a business, a formal and informal communication exist. Formal communication may be in a type of memos, emails, newsletters, conferences and meetings while the informal one occurs through the mouth of different employees. Grapevine spreads throughout in an undocumented manner and even it is unstable, it still exhibits some importance in business.

In most cases, grapevine carries a trivial truth. Coming from the upper management, grapevine flows to the lower management about the struggles or problems the management or organization is facing. When the employees knew about the situation, then it is their time to recommend any suggestions and make their work improved each and everyday although they are really not aware of what's happening. Besides, the reaction of the employees can be tempered and managed and they can make plans in order to overcome the problems they are facing.

In addition, grapevine can be a good channel when the formal communication is poor or when the upper management wasn't able to inform others. Although grapevine comprises gossips, it can help a lot to inform the employees about business matters. I think grapevine is somehow good because the employees have the chance to express their feeling using their own language whereas using the some technical jargons exist in a formal communication system.

I am glad because I learned a lot about the thing we called “grapevine” In the article, it gives the readers some warning. One statement that really struck me is this:

“The grapevine is unstable and unreliable; it can fuel anxiety, conflict and misunderstanding in small or large group situations.”

We must always remember this thing because even a little misunderstanding can lead to a fight, quarrel and conflicts. Few untruthful gossips (grapevine) may not be good because it may hurt one's feelings. The grapevine travels faster than any other mode of communication. If we used to do spread gossips about other people once we are in the corporate world, it may affect our colleagues and even decide to quit. I know that we don't what that thing to happen. Let's just be a friend to our colleagues and treat them in a nice way.

After reading the two articles both in book and Internet, I am well equipped with the things I will do if grapevine will happen once I enter the corporate setting. I am looking forward to experience this not to spread gossip but the one to correct and monitor the grapevine. In brief, grapevine or gossip in the workplace is indeed inevitable in the corporate setting. Since chatting and gossiping has been a common behavior for some humans, we must still consider the words we say to others and be discreet all the time. Grapevine is also prevalent in the internet most especially in social networking sites. If you know that you are in the wrong track and spreading gossips, this is the time for you to stop because gossips (grapevine) may inflict a damage and cause a raging fire in the organization. Grapevine is often characterized as bad and negative, but it has its positive side. It is quite an effective method of communicating to your subordinates. As a human being, we must establish camaraderie with our colleagues and have fun and bond with them. Through this, conflict and misunderstanding will be out of our way and we can continue to do good deed to another human being and just be a part of their lives.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Blogpost 6: The Impact of Gossip Shows

Television plays a vital role in our lives. It is made to inform, persuade and entertain everybody. It is very rare if there’s no television in one’s house. Since technology is widespread, television comes in different forms. You are lucky if you have seen a television which is manually operated years ago. Nowadays, we have the latest type of television. On the other hand, it’s really difficult to avoid watching the television. People in the house are usually in to television- your parents and siblings. Even though there’s no anyone watching, the television is perpetually on for some homes. Unfortunately, my topic is not all about the television, how it was invented and when it was made, etc. It has something to do with what we see or watch in the television, the shows or programs specifically. When we discuss about celebrities, gossip shows are the things we think first. To be perfectly candid to all of you, I am fond of watching those shows since then. I am an avid fan of famous celebrities, more likely the Kapuso stars. I also have few idols in the other station but I do really love Kapuso celebrities. I watch some shows like Showbiz Central back then when I was in high school. But now this show didn't exist and have come to an end. This show has revealed some facts about celebrities and spread rumors or gossips about them.

I’m not easily believed and affected with the gossips about my favorite celebrities. The time I will only believe with those things when the accused celebrity will confess and tell the truth. By the way, what are the gossip shows you know both local and international? The only gossip shows I know are, for local: The buzz and startalk and for international: TMZ, Extra and Gossip Girl. These shows have something to do with their audience, what are the effects to them. I look for some articles, the effects or impact of gossip shows, but I wasn't able to find the exact or perfect article for my blog. I found articles that somehow related to my topic.

I read an article entitled "The Good and Bad Effects of TV on Children" by Ian Chase. According to the article, majority of experts said that TV programs have bad effects to children and may deter the kids from being smart. They cite different bad effects. In relation to gossip shows, it also has bad effects to the audience. It doesn't provide educational benefits, steals time of the people especially the children to develop their brain, interacting with people and playing. You may be startled that even at young age watch gossip shows. And yes, it is true. It also takes away the time for them to develop essential skills like language, creativity and social skills. They don’t have the time to improve their reading skills. TV shows numb kid’s mind as it prevents them to be intellectually challenged, thinking analytically and using their imagination.

When they watch gossip shows, they also tend to adapt the things they had seen in television. They tend to spread gossips or rumors to their friends who have not yet known or watch the said show. Lastly, gossip shows expose the kids to negative influences and may have a negative behavior.

For me, the said effects could have a huge impact to the audience. It can affect them a lot. On the other hand, experts cite some good effects only on those selected TV programs. Of course, if you’re a parent, you do not choose gossip shows that your child will watch. They say that TV programs could educate, inform and inspire. But gossip shows do not provide these things. It only provides rumors or gossips and sometimes fact about celebrities. Perhaps, a little entertainment TV can be a stress reliever if they are in distress. A tip was given to everybody in this article, in lieu of letting your child to watch television such gossip shows, help him to develop a reading habit by reading books to him because reading has many positive effects.

Before I proceed to my next article, let me introduce some gossip shows in the picture you see in my blogpost 6. I will let you know the background information of the shows. First in line is the TMZ, it is a show that has a heavy emphasis on gossips about celebrities and their personal lives.It is originated from America and generally aired on Fox and different channels. TMZ is one of the famous syndicated entertainment and gossip television show together with Extra. Next one is Buzz ng Bayan, it is formerly known as The buzz. When I searched all about this show, I was startled because it changed its name in to Buzz ng Bayan. It is one of the eminent talk shows here in the Philippines as well as the Startalk. Buzz ng Bayan is a weekly entertainment show and by far the longest running talk show on ABS-CBN. On the other hand, let's talk about the Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl came from America, a teen drama television show based on a book series. The show revolves around the lives of young adults in New York City. As a matter fact, I do not have some idea about this show because we have no cable in our house that's why I can't be able to watch this particular show.

I've come up reading a PDF file entitled “OMG! The Gossip Behind One Program's Effects on Interpersonal Relationship Expectations” by Cailin Rocco. The purpose of the study is to discuss the representation of interpersonal relationships in television. They chose Gossip Girl as one of the gossip shows because they had a lot of fans. In the program, the main character has a sexual activity with two partners. News and entertainment shows reacted with the story line. The Gossip Girl production defended that it is appropriate to a 14-year old children. Gossip Girl has pushed its limits with its sexual and scandalous nature.

A method for the analysis or study of Gossip Girl is used to obtain information. This is called Grounded Theory. According to this theory, “it examines the influence of television on viewers’ perception of relationships by collecting qualitative data.” We can establish a full understanding of the topic and can have the ability to make practical assumptions. Grounded theory starts with preparation, data collection and analysis of the data in order to conceptualize it and relate to themselves. They conducted surveys, focus groups, general observation and researches in order for us to determine the impact of gossip shows in interpersonal relationships. Focus groups results showed the interpretations of television relationships and the personal beliefs and view of different individuals. When they discussed the characteristics of participants looked for in a relationship, it is the humor as as large contributor to the relationship.

One participant stated, “I think that in order to be attracted to someone they have to be good looking. It is hard to get past it if you don’t think they are at all attractive.” Most participants expressed an interest in a person who is “passionate” and “hardworking.” I believe that physical appearance could be an initial attraction but it can be changed when you get to know then person better.

To make the article short, a grounded theory study was completed for the television show entitled Gossip Girl. The impact of one show can have relationships expectations of the viewers. Some programs may have a little effect on a person’s personality while others influence the viewer to believe that the courses of action can also be in real life.

In general, shows or programs we watch in television even gossip shows affected us in different ways. It has impact in one’s lives. Many people are shaped from images they see and the actions being done in the show. The characters in a television show are the representation of who we want to be. But this matter cannot have in our own lives. Our life is not scripted and we cannot always make the best decisions. We have to understand that the lives depicted in television and the lives we live each day is really different from one other. This provides confusion so must be able to know the importance of reality and the distinction of the two.

Doing these things may not be difficult because if we choose the shows for their face value, the “gossip” of reality would be easier to handle. We must always concentrate on the good effects of gossip shows rather than the bad effects because it helps us to be a better person and help others with our innate ability. The good effects must hone us and be able not to earn negative behavior. We cannot say that gossip shows are really unwholesome, it depends on the person how he/she perceives the show and adapt this in his/her own life.

Blogpost 5: Gossip: Man vs. Woman

When you look around, you see some persons gossiping at the sari-sari store, road, neighbor’s house and anywhere else. Even when you are at school, you always notice that your classmates are chatting and gossiping around during free time. I had a lot of friends and we also like gossiping. My friends are composed of boys and girls. One day, as I reminisced my high school life, a question bothered me again. Since everybody loves gossiping, this is my question: “Who gossips more, man or woman?” Sounds interesting, right? At first, I thought that it is the woman who really gossips more than man. You also have to admit that we have the same perception. In the first place, this is only an assumption or my opinion.

Woman are often stereotyped as famous gossipers and believed that they talk more than men. Many people automatically associate woman when they heard the word “gossip”. Remember the ancient meaning of gossip, from Old English word god-sibb. This term was given to a woman’s close female friend when she gave birth to her child. Eventually, it is related to any close female kinship. As time passed by, gossip earned negative meaning or let’s say negative connotation. Example is a conversation about the other person’s life. It is commonly a rumor and seldom, a fact only. Back to the topic again, you notice that gossip is not specifically denoted to gender ,but nowadays, it became synonymous to woman.

Without further ado, I started to search articles and I came across an article entitled “Women vs. Men: Who Gossips More?” by Myra Faye Turner. According to her post, “men gossip as much as women do, particularly on their cell phones.” This research was conducted in United Kingdom about a variety of social topics. The results showed that it is indeed the men who gossip more. Surprisingly, 33% of men gossiped with their cellphones compared to the 26% of women. So don’t assume that when a man is walking around with his cellphone attached to his ear, it is all about business matters but they are more likely gossiping.

It’s kind of a ridiculous thing that men gossip more using their cellphones. I was startled with the survey conducted. For me, it is still possible that the two words can be separated – woman and gossip. If you’re going to ask any man if he gossips, his response will be surely a “No,no!”. Of course, we know that this simply is not true. Men became dishonest when they say that they do not gossip simply because only woman gossips.

Back to the article, it also tackles the differences as well as the similarities in the way men and women gossip. It is stated that, “Men and women both seem to talk the same amount of time when they gossip and they also generally talk about the same subjects.” Examples of these are salaries, personal life and others. For their differences, “when men gossip, they talk more about themselves than women do.” On my side, it somehow true because men likes to compare their physical appearance with the other man. They tend to say that he is more handsome and had a muscular body compare to him.

I've read a lot of survey and majority says that it is men again who loves gossip. According to the poll, one of 10 men likes to dish the dirt about other people compared to 4% of women. Additional information was given in the poll; more men are guilty spreading rumors or gossips than women. On the contrary, one psychologist said that women gossip more than men do. Men only call it “networking”. According to the the psychologist, men likes to talk who is up and who is down while women are more interested with who is in and who has merit. All these information made me so confused but it really helps me a lot with regards to my topic. There are different opinions, assumptions and conclusions about who gossips more. When I get tired of reading surveys, I almost decided to publish my blogpost but there’s something in my mind that persists to search more articles. I thought that I’m done and has done writing all the things I need to say.

Fortunately, I saw an article entitled “Gossip brings men together, tears women apart” by Jayne Augoye. I got so curious with the title itself. I read the article and by far, I finally got a good answer. I must say that it added a new twist in my topic. According to the article, a new study was carried out by some psychology lecturers at a particular university in Western Canada. They classified the effect of gossip between men and women. For men, “chatter tends to make males closer” whereas for women, “it can tear female friends apart.” Men tend to chat about shared activities such as playing sports compared to women who talk more about one’s physical appearance that can threaten their friendship.

The way men and women gossip is not simple as talking about football versus talking about shopping. There are lots of differences. The friendship between male is more characterized in engaging group activities. So, it can enhance the bond between individuals within the group. Since female friendships run deeper, gossip may have an opposite effect. It can be more of a threat in female friendships than male friendships. Predictably, both of them gossip in rather different ways. Gossiping about physical appearance was found to be more prevalent among the girls. One poll stated that men spend an average of 76 minutes of gossiping to their friends and colleagues compared to just 56 minutes of women.

On the other hand, men are not as bad as women but they are worse. Just because men love a bit of scandal and do anything to be the center of attraction while women love to talk about news. Men’s discussions are all about the happenings in their work whereas women are fond of talking about celebrity lifestyles and other people.

“People can use gossip to drag someone under the bus, or it can help establish trust in someone. But it’s worth being careful. If someone is always giving you the dirt on other people, then you’re part of the mix when she talks to someone else. Be careful how much information you share.” - Andrea Syrtash

On my opinion, it is better to tell things which are facts and be discreet to those who you open up to, the one you can really confide and of course, credible. Refrain from spreading untruthful gossips because if we used to do that, we will find it difficult to stop doing those things.

Gossiping is such an enormous thing for both parties. They discuss different things and only agree on one thing- talking with friends, colleagues to make them feel they are belong. All in all, we can’t say who gossip more though we have lots of survey because it is still not enough and sufficient. The debate between men and women who gossip more may not come to an end. Gossip is malicious if you tend to spread rumors and your intention is to hurt others. It is inevitable and a vital mode of communication. We all seem to be doing it and loving every minute of it, but one thing I can assure is, as long as humans live here in Earth, the gossip will continue to exist. Another thing, I will leave a question for you, who do you think gossips more? The decision is yours!

Monday, October 14, 2013

Blogpost 4: An Unhealthy Combination of Gossip and Relationship

“_ _ _ _ _ is in a relationship!, status we commonly see in the most used social networking site which is Facebook. Perhaps, those people who post this kind of status want to express and share to their friends what’s the feeling if you’re in a relationship. That heaven feeling that most likely lifts up their heart and makes them feel so glad. But maybe, there comes a time that this heaven feeling will turn into a horrible one which causes so much pain and hurt especially in their heart. One factor that mostly affects the relationship is the spreading of rumors that could possibly separate the two persons loving each other. Gossipers could probably bring conflicts and problems that cause hatred and sometimes lead to break-ups.

I had a friend who’s in relationship right now. Though we’re not classmates in college now, I’m always updated with the status of their relationship. She’s a close friend of mine that’s why she trusts me since then. As time goes by, I was surprised when she called me through cellphone and I knew she was crying that time. I asked her what’s happening and told me that they are not sweethearts anymore and lead to a break-up. It almost breaks her heart and I can’t help but to comfort her by giving some motivation to move on. I asked for the reason, she told me it’s because of the rumors she knew about his boyfriend. She found out that he is a two timer and had a relationship with another. As of now, she has no idea if the rumors she heard before are true and proven. As a friend, I just told her that it’s not yet the end of her life. There are lots of fish out there and God has a better plan for her.

On the other hand, gossips really bring conflicts in the relationship and even separate the lovers. I've read an article entitled "Rumours that broke a marriage" by Mark Reynolds at Daily Mail website. Even though the story I've shared is not that the same with news/article, it is somehow similar with the major effect of gossips and rumors in different type relationship. In this article, there is a married couple named Susannah and Glen. Rumors are starting to break their relationship when Susannah's husband had a friend, Nicole. Nicole and Glen were became partners in a movie entitled Tomb Raider. They had a scene where they're naked and the closeness between them started. On the other hand, rumors began that they had an affair. The speculation grew bigger when Mr. Glen started to comfort Nicole after her break-up of marriage with Tom Cruise. Susannah and Glen made some attempts in saving their relationship but Mr. Glen's agent announced the split and later confirmed Ms. Susannah's spokesperson. Susannah and Nicole are still friends and the gossips don't affect their friendship.

Just like what Glen said, "In any relationship you have good times and bad times." During these times, make the best out of it and have the best results even if in bad times because it makes your relationship even stronger and tougher.

It's miserable when gossip causes too much damage in your relationship. Now we know that even you're married, there are still possibilities that it can be broken. You can be separated and hate each other. It may not be easy to rescue your relationship but it takes a long time before it can be saved and back to normal again. Talk to each other's side and listening to it allow the couple to mend the situation and discuss to make their kinship work. Next is to forgive each other. Show the love and concern for each other and once it happens, never to blame and talk the problems because it only heat the things up and result will not be likely so good. These tips can help you a lot and mend the broken relationship.

Another article discussed how gossips truly affect the relationship we had. At first, we talked about the broken marriage or the relationship with your partner but this time another kinship had been devastated - all about FAMILY relationship. This article is entitled "Destructive Gossip: Poison to Family Relationships" authored by Barbara Lee Norris. From the title itself, you see the word "destructive gossip" and could be devastating to family relationships. It's like a poison who kills the love and concern in the whole family. According to the article, it tells about a child who feels he is being neglected by his family and his siblings who outshine him. This child is Flo, the gossiper. The victim of the destructive gossip named Mo, a child at the same time as Flo. Flo can't see any positive about Mo. He thinks that Mo is always favored by his parents and relatives. For him, Mo is always the best and Mo just keeps stealing the thunder. Flo finds faults with him and wants to disrepute him in every possible way. But the problem about Flo is that he never feels any better.

In order to achieve the status he longed for, Flo finally pulls out the big guns-- destructive gossip. Undoubtedly, Flo actually knows where and how to start. Listening to the destructive gossips do not verify the accusations. Mo has been accused unfortunately with gossips made by Flo and he can't do anything even a chance to defend himself. Flo's deed is painful enough especially to Mo. The story is not yet the end, of course, Mo has something to do with this matter. Mo ignores the gossip and still hopes that it will pass away.

"Destructive gossip is always wrong". There is no justification for destructive gossip and the subsequent shunning of family member. This is true because once you spread gossips or rumors, it become destructive to an individual's feelings or to the person being talked about. Of course, our family loves us so much and treated fairly. Back to the story, to settle the problem, Mo doesn't want to do the same just like what Flo did. It only makes the situation worse if he do the same thing. He badly knows that Flo's hurts and feels that he is just being protective. Mo only wants to restore their family relationship.

When Mo had a time to talk with Flo, he grabbed the opportunity. Unfortunately, Flo denies everything and keeps a frigid distance. With this response by Flo, it only means that gossipers tend to be cowards when they're in front of the person they have accused. At the end, Flo gives up because it doesn't work anymore. He tried to have a relationship with Flo but I guess it is Flo who has a big problem. Mo only lets it rest though he is grieved by situation.

As stated by Ms. Barbara, "Gossipers cannot be stopped. The recipient of destructive gossip has to rise above the pain." Don't be too much affected with the gossips or rumors. Be strong and always be true to yourself. If you've experienced being talked about, refrain from utilizing the same tactics as spreading destructive gossips because it's a wrong thing . Let us put our trust to God and above all, live well. The greatest revenge you can take is to live well and have a happy life.

All in all, a mix of gossips and relationships is indeed unwholesome and unpleasant. Gossips destroy everything. As much as possible, don't do anything which hurts people emotionally such as spreading destructive gossips.

We are all humans with defects, flaws and negative attitudes. And if we have done anything wrong, learn to accept our mistake and promise to do good to others and for the betterment of ourselves.

Blogpost 3: Gossip as an Act of Bullying

Bullying has been a hot issue all over the country. It is the use of coercive power, some threat and use of force to dominate others. Most especially in schools, there’s a bullying happening there. Students who are being bullied have not enough courage to fight or protect themselves from those bullies. But now, I’m going to discuss a different kind of bullying which is far from physically hurting the target of bullying. Did you know that spreading gossip could be an act of bullying? Yes, it can be though gossips do not hurt you physically but emotionally and mentally. Gossip is an indirect way of bullying. You spread rumors which are not true ad the only purpose is to hurt one’s feeling.

As a matter of fact, I've been a victim of bullying back then in my elementary days. I’m feeble and had a weak body but an intelligent child. I always finished my assignments and projects on time. Since that is the case, the bullies in our class tend to get my assignment and own it that’s why when we need to pass the assignment I have nothing to pass. I can’t tell it to my teacher because I’m afraid. The reason why I’m afraid is that they always threatened me and tell me that my life would be at risk if I tell anyone about it. By the way, I studied in a public school and some students there are violent and ferocious that they had to bring “balisong” (folding pocket knife or butterfly knife) for their protection in case of emergency. Back to the story, they tend to show me the “balisong” and scare me to get what they want. That time, I thought it’s the end but it’s not. The other day, as I arrived in our room, I noticed that my classmates were murmuring. I heard my name. My bestfriend approached me and told me that they were all talking about me. I knew in the very first place that bullies started it all. I can’t help myself but to only sob. I lose my self-esteem that time and make feel that I'm really weak and lacking of strength.

Since I've experienced that dreadful thing, I wanted to know the effect of gossip in terms of bullying and how does it affect the persons who are not strong enough to defend themselves. I saw this article "Gossip Is Related To Bullying, And May Even Be The Beginning Signs" by Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross. According to her post, "there is a direct correlation between gossip and bullying behavior. In a sense, bullying is the planning phases." With these, spreading untruthful gossips could result to bullying. You start bullying others by this deed. Meanwhile, malicious gossip has been a serious issue for the elementary aged children. And this issue urged them to implement an anti-bullying program named Steps to Respect in order to reduce the spreading of malignant gossips. On the other hand, teachers tend to ignore the whispers of some students in playground but they didn't even know that this kind of setting often formed the reality of the bullying and gossip is just one of the elements. With the help of the program, the victim of bullying can move freely and do what he wants. A significant variable of the said program is how the friends teamed up for each other and the behavior of some bullies is more likely to stop. Friends assist him in getting out of the role as a victim. Gossips cannot be stop easily but teaching the kids with necessary skills can help them to reduce its malicious intent and learn to defend themselves if the situation demands.

Another article talked about spreading of rumors and gossips as an act of bullying. It is entitled Someone Is Spreading Rumors About Me. What Can I Do? made and reviewed by D'Arcy Lyness. A statement in her article really struck me and made me realized that spreading such gossips can intimidate others like what happened to me. A part of her article states that: "Bullying is like meanness pollution. It affects everyone in the environment." Yes, it is like a pollution because everybody is affected by seeing someone else getting bullied that makes other people feel so bad.

Unfortunately, people who witness this kind of act, they don't always stand up for what's right. I thought that they are frightened to be the next target and this makes them to be less sociable most especially with the person being talked about. As a matter of fact, disseminating unruly gossips are considered to be an immature act that is done in an indecent way.

In the article, here some ways that can truly help you if you find yourself the target of gossips and social bullying. Turn to a trusted adult for support, it is better to approach the adults because the chances to stop the rumors are possible. Talk to your guidance counselor or to those you can confide in but the best person you can discuss the problem you're facing is your parents. Find your friends, don't think too much about the situation and try to ignore the rumors or gossips you heard. Share to your true friends how you feel with the situation. Do the things that you'll enjoy and be with your friends. Spend your time with them and have fun. Speak up, talk to the person who's disseminating the rumors. Don't be angry or mean while talking to her. Just talk to her with calmness and clarity. Let her think what you have said. Care for yourself, this is the best way to deal with social bullying. Be positive and confident enough to not let the gossips affect you so much. Gather support from the people who care most and believe in yourself that this dreadful matter will vanish soon.

Now that you have read the things that may help you. Try to do it if you have any experience being bullied socially. If I only knew these things before, I might defend myself with those bullies back then when I was in elementary. There's no more room for me to regret. I just want to thank God because I was able to surpass the hindrances and continue to move forward. To those who's reading this blog and now in a situation of bullying, I hope these tips will help you a lot.

At first glance, you might think that bullying is easy to define. The first thing that comes in your mind is a big boy beating up a small boy, hurting it physically. Yes, it is considered bullying today but other than that, bullying can also be done covertly through hurting them emotionally specifically spreading of unkind gossips. Ignore those rumors and gossips and stand up for what's right. Always think that bullies are Big Ugly Loner Losers Yearning attention (see the 3rd photo). They are insecure because you have lots of friends who are caring and loving.

Now, I'm a college student, I feel the respect and fairness between the people around me. It's an exhilarating feeling because everyone is treated fairly. According to Sir John Marks Templeton, It's nice to be IMPORTANT but it's important TO BE NICE. Don't pretend to be good, just be yourself. Don't be a bad model to everyone. Don't be a bully person and be nice to everyone. We are all in this together, unified against bullying and committed to be kind with others. To those bullies out there, all I can say is bullying others doesn't make you bigger; it even makes you smaller.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Blogpost 2: The World of Gossip!

Gossiping is said to be the Filipino’s national past time. Filipinos are driven to work and focus always on what they are doing. Their only free time to relax and unwind is during coffee break and lunch break specifically. Chatting to their colleagues is a normal thing because they are always facing the computer or busy doing a lot of paper works which are all necessary to the company where they work. Unbelievably, they find time to gossip and talk a lot about other people. They like to put down others or just simply make fun of them. When I was in high school, I had a classmate who looks so weird. Almost everyone doesn't like him because he always tends to be alone and sit on the chair all the time until our class is over. Instead of approaching him, they only discuss their impressions to him. Some comments were not that good but somehow there are few good comments. I also shared to them my impressions and other comments. I have to admit that I'm a talkative person and it's indeed natural in me but I don't like the things that will put other people down unlike the others who are fond of doing it.

Filipinos really do like to gossip or let’s say “tsismis”, as it locally referred to. Filipinos are not only the one who keeps on gossiping but also the other countries all over the world. Gossips are such widespread and it makes me to think why we love to gossip. Last time, I asked myself how it all began and I’m fortunate because I was able to know all the necessary informations and the history itself. Remember the first two questions I put in to my blogpost 1 and now I’m going to find out the answers on that questions that would satisfy me again for the second time around.

I saw an article entitled "Why do people gossip?" by M.Farouk Radwan. A part of his article is this: "The person who is laughing out loud, capturing the attention of everyone in the room while gossiping about someone is not as happy as he seems." The article helps us to know the truth about gossiping. This person may have a jealousy with his/her peers, being frustrated all the time, weak and angry. He/she has probably found a low self esteem or respect from the others. They feel like that when they gossip, he/she seems so popular and interesting but it's not. As I read the article, there is a man named Sam who has a friend and he was treated badly by this guy. He can't do anything but to keep quiet. Sam went home so angry and as usual, frustrated because he can't settle the problem directly and in order to take revenge, he did it indirectly by gossiping.

He only did that thing because he feels so weak and that is the main reason. I find it interesting that people who can't fight have to gossip only because they didn't have the courage. Another part of this article is, "What does a phrase like: "Did you see that guy, he can’t even do anything right" mean?"

On my own opinion, it means that this guy can't even compare to him because he can do everything while he can't, so he is worthy. Unfortunately, people who feel they are inferior, they start gossiping. The reasons are to prove that they are worthy and let people around them to believe them. And of course, to become better than them all.

People also gossip because they are lacking of self-confidence. For some, boredom will result to gossiping but this is incorrect simply because gossiping is not an option if you are bored and most especially if you're free from negative feelings (e.g. psychological weaknesses).

According to the article made by Alison Poulden entitled "Why People Gossip and How to Avoid it?", people loves to gossip to feel superior, out of envy and to feel like part of the group. In this article, some responses are given to unwelcome gossip. For example, somebody is gossiping about a person and it's better to change the topic like these things: “I feel uncomfortable listening to negative judgments about people unless we figure out how to help them.” and “Let’s talk about something more positive or decide what we’re going to do this afternoon.” All these things are necessary to help those gossipers to talk a lot about other people and it's essential not to feed the gossiper with such curiosity and further questions.

For me, to deal with gossipers, let him burn by sending him good and interesting news about me to keep him burning with his own fire. If the said gossiper causing a big damage, it's the time to confront him and tell that you are aware with what he is doing. Talk to him in a nice way because if you only threatened him, he will probably gossip more about you because of the stored anger.

In general, gossip is a risky activity. It can lead to dishonesty and distrust. "Think before you Speak!", spreading gossips will cause too much problem to an individual that may cause a severe damage so we must be able to think what will be the effect before we say anything about a particular person. Gossiping only show others the gossiper's insecurities. It is not a sin to talk about others as long as we did it in a right way without hurting anyone. We shall all say what's the truth to gain respect from others and to be in a group.

We have to admit that we are all guilty with the wrong deed we have done to others by gossiping about them. An old wise saying, “You should not throw stones if you live in a glass house.” So if we all live in glass houses, why do we need to throw stones at somebody else glass house? All we need is understanding and respect to each and everyone. Monitor the words we utter to properly convey the information we tend to say.

Spread the Word: Gossip!

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